Monday, January 19, 2015

8 min at 4.5 mph- who would of thought what it'd bring...

Tonight I ran for the first time unwatched, unobserved, on my own in the basement on the treadmill.  I had been waiting to get the "OK" from the surgeon to move forward with my PT's plan for transitioning back to running.  Day 1- I decided- was today, in fact tonight. 

I'm not really a night workout girl.  However, I just couldn't make myself get out of bed and get at it before my kidos woke up and I was on "duty" all day as they had the day off from school.  Which side note- was quite enjoyable until about 7pm when we returned from my youngest hockey practice.  I think my crabbiness/edginess set in because I knew that I was going to be facing my own personal challenge after they retired for the night.  Having to jump on the TM and put in a few minutes, but not knowing what those minutes would bring was not a happy feeling.  The day, prior to 7pm, was good: grocery shopping with kids who are super helpful now that they are older, early lunch at "the arches" (today was not a clean food eating day), followed by browsing shelves at Half Price Books before heading to see Big Hero 6- which was really great.  So it was a good day.  I was suppose to meet up with one of my favorite peeps tonight to catch up but alas life happens and it didn't.  So once I knew those plans were no longer I told myself I'd make myself start the return to running program tonight. 

I look back now, after completing the workout and wonder what I was so scared of, or what was it that had gotten under my skin and put me on edge, not finding bathroom antics/dilly-dallying by children at bedtime funny.  I read to the kids while they showered- yes, I know, I'm very strange, but while they shower I take advantage and sit on the bathroom floor and read to them- helps me get some reading in while they get cleaned up.  Then I followed my youngest to bed to listen to her read The Bearenstein Bears and Mama for Mayor!  I was feeling my eye lids getting so heavy while laying next to her warm body.  Then I really was not looking forward to heading to the cold basement to hop on the TM.

They were tucked into bed and I headed for the basement.  My PT's plan incorporates running/walking with a certain goal of speed and time for each run portion and as much walking as I want/can stand.  My goal tonight was 5 minutes walk, 8 minutes jog at 4.5 mph followed by 5 minute walk. The walking is not a problem at all and I am able to get up there to about 4.0 mph walking quickly with no discomfort or pain/strain.  Then I start jogging and it is just such a surreal feeling.  My feet are of course moving quicker, my legs are moving muscles they haven't used in months, and I'm feeling very heavy.  Yep weight heavy.  The kind of heavy I remember from starting out running- many moons ago.  I feel heavy footed and like I'm just bogged down.  I never felt pain, strain, stress, but did feel strange and hesitant and watchful of my right leg/knee.  The first four minutes of the jog were the hardest.  I told myself if I got through the first half and felt pain, stress, strain, then I'd just walk.  I never felt any discomfort and made it through the full 8 minutes followed by a slower pace of walking for 5- a grand total of 1.2 miles over 18 minutes. 

I'm overjoyed and I'm also stunned.  I'm excited and I'm also apprehensive.  I'm feeling great being physically active while at the same time feeling like a whale trying to run on water.  So many different mixed emotions.  So many lingering questions.  The biggest one- when and if I will feel discomfort or strain- how will I handle that.  The plan is if I can't do the time/speed plan that I have to repeat that time/speed until I can fulfill it and then move on to the next time/speed on the plan. 

I also have a lot of questions I'm asking lately: specifically how I'm living this great life I've been given.  I'm trying to do a better job of some self-reflection, deep breathing and just being and stop with the questions. I'm a planner so the unknown kinds of drives me nuts! I also really think if I want to live life to the fullest, which is kind of what exhausts me on a daily basis, I also need to live in the present and just be me. 

I love these quotes/pics I found on Pinterest and immediately put into my "sayings" board.  I think these are great reminders daily as to what I can do, how I can live, and who I am and can be. 
                                                      Yes. :: Words to live by http://jenniferlouden.com/navigation-course/

 Photo by Liz Lamoreux

Remember than when you walk away. You made the decision on your own.
 
Here's to 8 minutes at 4.5 mph!